Demise Of Green People, Demise Of Spiritual Honesty

The dancers had tapped their twinkle toes across the floor for the last time, the poets had rambled their last twisted story, the video artists had exhibited their last explosion of imagery... the greenroom closes it's doors for the last time.

Greenroom, for those who are aren't familiar with Manchester or the venue in question, is... or rather was... a theatre which showcased a range of conceptual performances, video art and workshops. However, with the cuts to the Art Council, greenroom received no funding resulting in where I found myself on Saturday... the Big Fat End Party.

Bulging to capacity, greenroom was rammed with artists, media types and anyone who had some connection to it over it's 28 year history. There was booze, anecdotes and speeches with an army of brave smiles in the background.

Attempting to make my way through the crowds whilst responding to artists requests for information / beratings for not getting back to them it was hard not to reflect on a space which had shaped me for nearly a decade. Greenroom had been the first place I had exhibited, the first place I showed one of my films, the first theatre I had performed in, the first theatre show I had hosted.

Many there were probably feeling the same sentiment, and each of us were probably trying to find strength in the thought we will make sure it's not the last time we fumble through those actions. Goodbye greenroom, you did good.

Apart from the demise of a friend there was a religious ceremony I was part of this week . Religion isn't particular important, or even a factor, in my life. I'm not an atheist, I just don't know really. I've met some people representing religion in my life who I thought were amazing, I've met others who... well, were really not. Kinda like the police!

Anyhow, it was important to some people I know... so I thought "What the Hell, what's the worse that could happen?" It wasn't until the ceremony came about that I realised how adverse I was to it. Oh, by the way it wasn't a wedding. Yes, that's right ladies... I'm still free to disappoint you.

The church was taking that angle of "We're cool, we know the world has changed, we aren't trying to force you to say anything or agree to anything you don't believe in". I talked to the head chap before the ceremony about the vows I had to go through and the words I had to say... my brain just came up with justifications to agree and go along with it.

The ceremony began in a quite confused fashion. Hymns were sung which people didn't really know and words were repeated from a prayer book in a monotonal fashion... but, I couldn't do it.

My brain had some time to process the words with the tiny moral man in my heart regarding my vows but these words about god... it didn't have the time to do it as it was here and now leaving the little moral man to sulk and sneer "No".

Surely that was ok though? The religious chap had even said at the beginning of the ceremony to the congregation that if you are of a different religion or didn't feel that the words were for you then there was no problem in saying them... well, it was like that at first.

After the first section of prays (with not much participation) he went back on it in such a weird 'English' way. Repeating his speel about not HAVING to participate he capped it off with something else instead. Reminding us all that we were invited there by our friends to be there on a very, very special day he then said that we COULD (again, he wasn't TELLING us) but we COULD say the pray words for them.

And it worked. I still couldn't go along with it but his approach definitely raised the level of participation. My uncomfortableness quickly turned to anger with acidic bile attempting to force it's way up my esophagus. I guess some church people will never get rid of it's most useful tool... guilt.

He tried it again later, using the picture of a dead woman who tragically died during childbirth (I'm not TELLING you to receive a blessing and light a candle but you COULD receive a blessing and light a candle for her) but I made it though it without vomiting. I said my vows, had some cake, and wished goodbye to everyone.

That passive / aggressive, guilt inducing approach he used... it makes me mad now still. I half wish we had just used some crazy, draconian cult leader to shout at us instead saying if we don't shut up and nod our heads in agreement we'll burn in Evil Narnia or worse. At least that would have been a bit more honest. In a weird way that is.

Like this guy, maybe.

_______________________

More Words added on the 9/6/11:


Ok, I'm not sure whether this is the wisest thing to do or not, but since it was my words on here which caused harm perhaps these following ones should be posted here as well.

What I expressed in the later part of this blog is not an expression of ridicule or negativity towards protestants, the faith or the people that were at the said ceremony. Infact everyone there was heart warming, including the person leading the congregation.

I was surprised at my own feelings during the ceremony in question, and the two elements I mentioned really made me question allot of things, not however the meaning of the ceremony. The fact though I "wished" for a draconian cult leader as well as posting a picture of Robert Mitchum's Harry Powell from Night of the Hunter (a fake preacher, con artist and murderer) would put across the fact I have no idea what I would have preferred instead.

Still, I realise my words have brought sadness to some people and difficulties for which I am truely sorry. What I write and draw is exaggerated, the line between making a point using half fiction and real life is one I walk with these words and images... and in this case I have well and truly tripped over that line. This incident has really made me consider that further, and that fact will stick with me the rest of my life.

This message will not undo any damage, but I still thought it best to write these words.